How To Celebrate Father's Day With No Father

Once a year, Fathers are celebrated for the hard work they do and the thankless tasks they perform to provide for their families. It’s a magical day called Father’s Day. However, when your dad is dead, it’s basically a waste of a day.

The weeks leading up to Father’s Day are basically a constant reminder of what you don’t have. Everyone out there waving their fathers in your face, and there is nothing you can do about it. People are just like rich kids after Christmas bragging about their new toys, while your toy is dead.

No worries though. You don’t want to let this day go to waste! So here is how you can celebrate Father’s Day if you are Father-less.

Number 1: Thank Your Mom For Everything

While I’m largely kidding for a lot of this, I want to get serious here. Mom’s put up with a lot of shit and even more when the person they love is no longer there to help. So, each year I do wish my mom a Happy Father’s Day because she deserves it. Yeah, she never taught me how to throw a ball or change my oil and she never even took me to a strip club, but she did a lot of good and I can’t thank her enough.

Number 2: Guilt Your Friends

Ok, now back to the real advice. Having friends be supportive when you lose a love one is what helps you get through a tough situation. However, if you want to keep your head above water during a holiday that is a constant reminder of what you are missing, remind your friends they are being rude.  Seeing a ton of Instagram or Facebook posts? Shoot them a little “Seems like a fun” comment. They can’t go to the bar because they are going to visit their dad? Let them know vie text that “it must be nice to do that” while you are drinking alone. They are really proud of the gift they got their father? Let them know the last gift your dad got was “Welcome to Mooseheart” on DVD. Either way, make it known that you are thinking of their happiness while reflecting on your sadness. 

Number 3: Call It A Commercial Holiday

Every year when Valentine’s Day roles around, single people everywhere preach to the world about how it’s a “made up holiday for people dating someone.” Jokes on you assholes now. Father’s Day is just a way for company’s to promote their products on podcasts and make you buy shit your dad will not care about in a week. All this “holiday” is missing is a color being over user in every commercial/ card.

Also, little hat tip to John Gariety and Brian Fahey who pointed out that you can take advantage of Father’s Day Deals for yourself. That's truly the best of both worlds. 

Number 4: Do Nothing

This is my favorite thing about Father’s Day now-a-days. You can just fucking lay around, and do nothing and not feel bad. I live in the city and getting out to the suburbs is really not that difficult but I will complain about it when I have to. Come June 17th, my ass will be parked on the couch, watching baseball and eating wings- it’s basically the equivalent of my celebrating Super Bowl Sunday since I don’t have a dog in the fight.

Number 5: If You Are In High School and Your Girlfriend Keeps Trying To Hang Out And Ditch Her Father on Father’s Day,  Even After You Kept Telling Her That She Should Be With Her Family, Yell At Her.

Maybe this one is just for me. To be fair, she wouldn’t stop trying to hang out with me and was interrupting step number four. 

Like eating a REESE'S, there is truly no wrong way to celebrate Father's Day if you are Father-less. You can also do chores and make yourself seem busy, but that sounds like too much work. Just enjoy the day, snag some rad deals on golf clubs and remember to follow step number two.

LYLAS.