Why I Hate Myself: My Latest Purchase

Look. I don't normally like to be the "self-deprecating" guy who whines about everything in the world. I don't like to put myself down in normal, every day situations. Not really my style; I tend to leave that to Brian (who you can read review movies at Brianwatched.blogspot.com). However, a big life event happened, and I need to keep you guys updated on the random things I do or think. I mean, buying this blog wasn't cheap (it was free).

In my pursuit of a lifestyle change (you can learn more about it on the Thirsty Thursdays podcast), I have put some serious thoughts into biking. I have a bike that I haven really rode since 8th grade, but because that was when I really stopped growing (ladies), it still is a perfectly fine size. Plus I live in the city. If you live in a city, you like to bike. It's basically in your blood the second you sign your lease.

                                                                (Me in the near future)

I have figured out the route to my jobs via biking,  and made sure they had parking spots available for my hog, but there was still one stigma I could not get over: the bike helmet.

When you reach the age of eight, you try pretty hard to seem you. You eat candy cigarettes, drink as much mountain dew as you can, and avoid wearing bike helmets. I mean, helmets are for nerds. Wearing a helmet made you stand out when you went on your cross county adventures as a kid, and I ditched that plastic thing as soon as I could. Then, you grow up and move to the city and your girlfriend tell you that you can't bike without wearing a helmet. Just a heads up, the excuse of " I just want to feel the wind in my hair, baby" will not work. You will actually still have to buy a helmet.

                                        (This was the coolest helmet picture I could find)


So yesterday, I went to Dick's (lol) and tried on like five helmets. Nothing makes you feel weirder than standing in a Dick's, alone, looking at yourself in the mirror with multiple helmets on your head. Add in the fact that my head is larger than most (ladies), and you have the recipe for 20 minutes of awkwardly staring yourself down and wondering what the hell happened to that cool eight-year-old kid.

My journey ended as I found a black helmet that fit, but the stigma isnot going away. I will soon be judged by everyone with a car and yelled at for biking too close to them. People will soon be upset with the fact I basically run through stop signs and not follow any basic motor vehicle laws, even though I want bikers to have the same rights as everyone else on the road. I will be judged for biking in whether that people think isn't exactly "biking weather." This will all be happening as I wear a stupid helmet.

         ("They are laughing with you, not at you," I will say as I ride my bike to work late this year.)


I don't like bikers, I don't like helmets and I don't like myself at this moment for buying a helmet to bike.