War on Bottomless Mimosas

The time has come, people of this blog, to take on an epidemic that is hurting the nation. More specifically people in their mid-twenties living in large cities. The issue is sweet. The issue can be endless. The issue is bottomless mimosas.

Because all tragedies touch people more with a personal experience, I'll share mine. Just days after my podcast co-host, Brian, told me bottomless mimosas had hurt him more times than not, I partook in a brunch celebration. By celebration, I mean my guy friends and I got brunch (aka Brunch Boyz). I was the first to arrive because I show up early for everything, and once seated I glanced through a menu trying to figure out what I would enjoy. My waitress, aka drug pusher, then informed me there was a bottomless mimosa deal for $15. thank information was the equivilant of giving me a taste of heroin. To make the situation worse, there were four different juices that went along with this deal. I couldn't not try them all. What am I, a monster?

Side note: My power ranking was Mango, Peach, Orange and Strawberry.

The deal lasted four hours, roughly 17 years in mimosa time, and ended my night short. That's right, the always exciting Oscars were cut out of my life this year because of this "deal." You can't just relive the biggest night in Hollywood.

There are a lot of problems in America, and by serving me a bottomless beverage ON A SUNDAY, you made sure that I did not buy groceries, thus hurting the economy. You made sure I didn't watch the Oscars, thus hurting ratings. You made sure I wouldn't stop talking until I fell asleep, thus hurting who ever is around me. You hurt MILLIONS of people- give or take- because of this deal.

I am a victim now of bottomless mimosas, and I have struggled with telling people about it. I woke up in the middle of the night Sunday scared. Not even the late night showing of Guy's Grocery Games could make me happy.

The time is now people; it's a call to arms. No more will we let a deal ruin our days. No more will we miss out on opportunities because of one (economically) logic choice. No more will we have to drink copious amounts of champaign to power rank juices.

Again, my ranking was Mango, Peach, Orange and Strawberry. Mango is the be all end all.

I beg of you to warn your friends and children about these deals, before it is too late.